trip over your own shadow meaning

What Does Afraid of Your Own Shadow Mean?

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Afraid of Your Own Shadow Meaning

Definition: Afraid of everything; cowardly.

Origin of Afraid of Your Own Shadow

This expression has existed in English since the 1500s. It may have come from similar expressions in other languages.

To understand the idea behind it, imagine the following situation. It is late at night, and you hear a strange sound in your empty house. Quietly, you go downstairs to make sure no one broke in. All of a sudden, you see a quick movement to your left, and you scream! However, what you saw was only your shadow.

This is an example where someone is scared of one’s own shadow.

Examples of Afraid of Your Own Shadow

Kerry: Hey! How was your day today?

Christine: Actually, it was pretty terrible. Robbie is going through a stage where he is scared of everything. He is scared of the dark. He’s scared of the toilet flushing. He’s scared of the basement. He’s afraid of his own shadow!

Kerry: Oh no! I’m so sorry to hear that. But don’t worry. That happens to a lot of kids. They all eventually grow out of it.

Christine: Really? I hope so. I can’t take much more of this.

Arlena: Hey! Are you dressing up for Halloween?

Nyima: Yeah, but I’m not sure what my costume will be yet. Are you?

Arlena: Maybe! I don’t really like Halloween.

Nyima: Are you serious? I love Halloween. You would like it if you gave it a chance. I’m going to a haunted house this weekend. You should come with me.

Arlena: No way.

Nyima: Why not?

Arlena: I’m terrified of haunted houses. I would be miserable.

Nyima: Are you sure? It’s not even a scary haunted house. It’s more for children than adults.

Arlena: Trust me. I’m sure. I’m afraid of my own shadow.

More Examples

This excerpt describes a violent criminal who looks like a coward, according to the man in the quote.

• “He looks like he’s afraid of his own shadow,” said Paul Aponte, 40. “That’s why this is shocking to say the least. He’s not one of these guys who’s out here all loud.” – New York Daily News

This excerpt is about investors who are very scared to invest after experiencing a natural disaster.

• “Lenders are generally afraid of their own shadow,” Miller said. “So they’re looking for reasons not to lend.” – New York Daily News

The expression to be afraid of one’s own shadow describes a person who is very timorous and frightened of everything.

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afraid of tripping over your own shadow

• Thread starter chopin7
• Start date Jan 16, 2015

Senior Member

• Jan 16, 2015

Hello Some old man in his 80es has the idea to build a smaller house for himself and his wife since he figures they can't handle their actual house. His son, who doesn't live with him, advices him to be cautious during the work since he is old. Because, as his son says, "You know, if you... cut your hand off with the circular saw in a fit of geriatric stupidity, my sisters, my wife, they're not going to let me forget about that, so.." At this point, the old man, with a touch of irony says, "Must be tough waking up every morning afraid of tripping over your own shadow." His son laughs and goes away. Everything is clear, but what exactly does he mean with "trip on your own shadow". Is this some kind of humor about the old age. But why saying this to his son. What exactly is this metaphor about? Movie "Still mine". Thank you  

" To trip/fall/stumble over/on your own shadow." is an idiom that means "to worry/be concerned pointlessly about every small thing and every possibility, no matter how unlikely." It is most commonly used to counter objections to a plan of some sort, especially questions that start with "What happens if...?"  

Strange. Nothing on net about this. Thank you, PaulQ.  

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Idiom:  afraid of one's own shadow

idiom:  afraid/scared of one’s own shadow  

• to be very frightened (so frightened you'd jump if you saw your own shadow in the light).
• timid and fearful 
• cowardly, afraid to take risks

Example sentences

—  My German Shepard may look like a guard dog but in reality  he’s afraid of his own shadow.

—  I'd go down in there to try to get the soccer ball but I'm even  afraid of my own shadow.

—  When I married my husband I was excited to have someone kill bugs in the house but he's  afraid of his own shadow  and won't help at all.

—  I was honestly  scared of my own shadow  before I went to Africa to volunteer but now I'm confident and eager to take on new challenges.

—  Sometimes the people who appear to be the most confident are actually  afraid of their own shadows.

— Tom may be 6'2 but he's afraid of his shadow . Don't be intimated by him.

—  Don't invite me to a movie like that ever again! You know that I'm afraid of my own shadow.

—  My toddler is scared of her own shadow . She cries every day that I take her to kindergarten.

— D on't worry. My children were also afraid of their own shadows but as they grew older they became much more confident.

—  We went to the amusement park yesterday and I had to go on all the roller coasters alone because my boyfriend is basically scared of his own shadow.

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afraid of one's own shadow

Idioms and phrases.

Definitions and idiom definitions from Dictionary.com Unabridged, based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2023

Idioms from The American Heritage® Idioms Dictionary copyright © 2002, 2001, 1995 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company. Published by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company.

JUMP AT/ AFRAID OF YOUR OWN SHADOW

Definition:  to be extremely fearful, example:  kathy was so timid, she was afraid of her own shadow.

So. Two phrases. Same meaning. You can be afraid of your own shadow , and you can jump at your own shadow . The former seems to be older, appearing in print as far back as the 1500s.

It is fairly apparent as to what it means. I think we’ve all seen cats and dogs literally jumping when seeing their shadows, and though we may deny it, it has probably happened to us all at one time or another.

There is an actual phobia where the sufferer truly fears shadows. Not just on that one occasion in a dark alley, but on a day to day basis. It is known as Sciophobia, scio being Greek for shadow.

Iddy’s jumping here for a very good reason. Just for a second he thought his second cousin Hilda had tracked him down, the woman he jilted at the altar back home. She was very grey and very round.

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jump at one's own shadow

• 1.1.1 Related terms
• 1.1.2 Translations

jump at one's own shadow ( third-person singular simple present jumps at one's own shadow , present participle jumping at one's own shadow , simple past and past participle jumped at one's own shadow )

• To be exceptionally timid .

Related terms

• afraid of one's own shadow

Translations

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• English verbs
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Afraid Of Your Own Shadow

Also:  Frightened of one’s own shadow

Meaning of Idiom ‘Afraid of One’s Own Shadow’

To be  afraid of one’s (your, his, her) own shadow  means to be extremely timid, nervous, fearful, and easily frightened. 1 Ayto, John.  Oxford Dictionary of English Idioms . Oxford: Oxford U, 2010. 2 Ammer, Christine.  American Heritage Dictionary of Idioms . Boston: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2013. 3 Spears, Richard A.  McGraw-Hill’s American Idioms Dictionary . Boston: McGraw Hill, 2008.

Examples Of Use

“Vick was always so carefree but since he was mugged he’s been afraid of his own shadow.”

“I don’t know how Maurice can be a security guard. The guy’s afraid of his own shadow!”

An exaggeration, this idiom has been used since the early 1500’s, and may originally be of Greek origin. 4  Ammer, Christine.  American Heritage Dictionary of Idioms . Boston: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2013.

It is found in a fragment of a play from the Greek playwright Aristophanes, who worked from 427 to 397 BCE. 5 Aristophanes. Aristophanes. Translated by Jeffrey Henderson, Harvard University Press, 2007.

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no one can jump over his own shadow

Richard Polt and Gregory Fried in conversation with Thomas Sheehan.

Richard Polt and Gregory Fried have collaborated on translations of Heidegger’s   Introduction to Metaphysics  and   Nature, History, State . They co-edited   A Companion to Heidegger’s Introduction to Metaphysics  and are the editors of the series New Heidegger Research , published by  Rowman & Littlefield International.  The interview conducted below is with Professor Thomas Sheehan , the author of the first title published in the series, Making Sense of Heidegger .  

RP & GF:  What is Heidegger’s so-called “history of being” ( Seinsgeschichte )?

TS:   Heidegger’s “history of being” is in fact five distinct things. First of all it is a straightforward historical account of what “being” ( Sein ) has meant and how it has functioned in a dozen philosophers from the pre-Socratics through Nietzsche.

Second, it argues that these philosophers either did not question (in the case of the pre-Socratics) or overlooked and forgot (from Plato to Husserl) the appropriation of ex-sistence that makes all forms of “being” possible. As such, the “history of being” is also a “history of forgetting,” but it is the philosophical forgetting not of “being” but of the appropriation of ex-sistence, its a priori status as the openness that makes possible all forms of meaning, aka “being.”

Third, the “history of being” is an argument that appropriation “gives” or “sends” the various historical configurations of the clearing-for-meaning “to” the philosophers who comprise Heidegger’s history, even as those philosophers overlook the source of such “sendings.”

Fourthly, Heidegger’s history of (a) the overlooking of appropriation, coupled with (b) the “sending” of configurations of the clearing-for-meaning becomes a narrative of the devolution of Western culture, a downfall that is due precisely to the overlooking of appropriation.

This alleged concatenation of ever-increasing stages of obliviousness—what Heidegger discusses as “metaphysics”—culminates, in his story, in the contemporary global modus vivendi that is characterized by widespread techno-think and techno-do, such that any inkling of appropriation is obliterated, with disastrous consequences.

Fifth and finally, Heidegger claims one can get free of this “history of being”—this “metaphysics” and its current depredations—by personally (a) recovering an awareness of one’s status as the appropriated clearing and (b) living one’s life in terms of that finite and mortal clearing, which in fact is one’s “nature” or “essence.”

RP & GF:  Where do you think Heidegger went wrong in his “history of being”?

TS:   It is in the fourth sense of the “history of being” that Heidegger overreached and went far beyond his competence. I argue that;

– the first sense of the “history of being” is a notable contribution to philosophy; – the second sense can indeed be argued coherently and even convincingly; – the third sense is the later Heidegger’s rearticulation in “historical” terms of what his early work had already established in existential terms; – the fourth sense is a philosophically ungrounded and ungroundable claim—i.e., here is where Heidegger went wrong; and – the fifth sense is only a later—and not entirely clear—restatement of what Being and Time has already established under the rubric of “resolve” and “authenticity.”

RP & GF: If he did go wrong, as you suggest, why did he?

TS:   From very early on, Heidegger held a mostly negative view of modernity—economic, social, and political—and of its philosophical “turn to the subject” from Descartes to his own day.

The roots of that view may lie in the conservative Catholicism of his youth; in his idealization of rural life in late nineteenth-century Germany; in his discomfort at the flourishing of German science and technology after 1860; in his resistance to the rationalization of the lifeworld; and in his shock at the horrors of the Great War and his country’s abject defeat.

Heidegger once said that “no one can jump over his own shadow” (GA 41: 153.24 =150.28–29)  and he liked to cite Hölderlin’s verse, “As you began, so will you remain,” (GA 12: 88. 25 = 7.24–25, citing “Der Rhein,” line 48.).    These texts may offer clues to Heidegger’s own approach to modernity. We may wonder whether his own shadow—his limited personal and cultural experience, his pinched worldview, his deep anti-modern conservatism—restricted his ability to understand and properly engage past history and present events.

Heidegger viewed all of Western history sub specie metaphysicae . He claimed that “metaphysics is the essential ground of Western history” (GA 76: 56.18), and his later work, with its top-down “philosophical” worldview, is bereft of any sophisticated or even competent awareness of the concrete economic, social, and political grounds of the twentieth-century world.

RP & GF:  The three volumes of “Black Notebooks” published last spring (and there are more to come) leave no reasonable doubt that Heidegger had anti-Semitic attitudes. And his public statements, even into the 1940s, indicated that he supported, with whatever qualifications, the Nazi regime and its war efforts. How do you see this affecting his philosophy?

TS:   Heidegger’s attempt to launder his cultural pessimism and revanchist nationalism through his “metaphysical history” of the downfall of the West is a complete failure and should be recognized as such. This includes, most saliently and infamously, his undeniable anti-Semitism and Nazism.

In my opinion, the attempts of Heideggerians to “explain” his anti-Semitism via exculpatory qualifications (e.g., “he wasn’t a biological anti-Semite like the Nazis”) are abject strategies of avoidance, a desperate refusal to accept the obvious. The question, rather, is whether his deep cultural anti-Semitism, along with his craven allegiance to Hitler, hemorrhage into the core of his philosophy.

Some, like the indefatigable but philosophically challenged Emmanuel Faye, insist that Heidegger was a Nazi even before he was born and that from beginning to end his philosophy was nothing but an effort—in Faye’s words—“to introduce Nazism into philosophy.”

I argue—admittedly against mainstream scholarship—that the essential core of Heidegger’s philosophy was in place by the end of 1930 and that it is in no way tainted by his later Nazism or his abiding anti-Semitism. However, when it comes to his work from the 1930s into the 1950s, one must carefully and critically pick and choose between what is infected and what is not.

As far as I can see (and barring further revelations) his public work after 1960 is free of Nazism and anti-Semitism. Nonetheless, it still continues his uninformed and narrow-minded anti-modernism.

RP & GF:    Those same “Black Notebooks” also show that he developed an increasingly vehement critique of Nazi metaphysics as a form of modern subjectivism and will to power. Do you think this critique is useful, or is it compromised by what you think is his misreading of modernity more generally?

TS: Yes, those volumes do express Heidegger’s critique of “Nazi metaphysics”—but that’s the problem: Heidegger approached Nazism in the same way that he approached everything else—the World War and the Holocaust included—namely as a metaphysical problem.

What planet was Heidegger living on between 1933 and 1945? Yes, he was a philosopher, but that in no way exempted him from investigating the specific economic, social, and political roots of modernity.

Instead, what we get from him is a top-down “philosophical” narrative about the West’s abiding ignorance of Ereignis , with its disastrous consequences, along with a Solzhenitsyn-like jeremiad against modernity and its intrusions on rural life. And all of this is topped off with the lovely thought that “only a god can save us.” Surely we can do better than that.

Richard Polt is professor of philosophy at Xavier University in Cincinnati, Ohio, USA. He is the author of   Heidegger: An Introduction  and   The Emergency of Being: On Heidegger’s “Contributions to Philosophy.”

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jump at one's own shadow

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• Meaning of jump at one's own shadow

jump at one's own shadow ( English)

• To be exceptionally timid .

▾  Related words & phrases

• afraid of one's own shadow

▾  Translations

• Hungarian: az árnyékától is fél ‎

This is the meaning of timid :

timid ( English)

Origin & history, pronunciation.

• IPA: /tɪmɪd/
• Lacking in courage or confidence .
• 1963 , Margery Allingham, The China Governess , chapter 19: " When Timothy and Julia hurried up the staircase to the bedroom floor, where a considerable commotion was taking place, Tim took Barry Leach with him. […]. The captive made no resistance and came not only quietly but in a series of eager little rushes like a timid dog on a choke chain. "    John's a very timid person. I'll doubt he'll be brave enough to face his brother.‎

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福利姬 , petalsome (synonyms) , מבצע (Hebrew)

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Own Your Shadow and Change Your Life

Stop blaming your partner, and take full ownership of your faults..

Posted May 27, 2020 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

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We are all human and therefore not perfect. Yet we deny our humanity by denying our faults. We do this through defensiveness, denial , projection , anger, and other emotions and behaviors.

Most of us have a core belief that people won’t love us if they know our shadow—that is, those parts, self-states, feelings, and behaviors that we perceive as negative (greed, anger, lust, vulnerability, despair, aggression , and so on). Our brain is hardwired to protect us and if we have a core belief that we are not worthy, then best not to show our full self, including our shadow. Often times, we point the finger and blame our partner for our pain, without realizing that three of our fingers are pointing right back at us—at our faults, defenses, and manipulations.

Hiding our shadow in order to protect ourselves from rejection and pain, while projecting and blaming the other, hurts our most intimate relationships. Why?

The price for not owning your shadow

Not showing your shadow can lead to several effects:

• Shallow conversation. Communication becomes mostly self-presentational, consisting of edited stories told in order to achieve a certain reaction or avoid discovery by your partner. This leads to more shallow, inauthentic conversations with your partner. Both partners become too scared to be vulnerable.
• Walking on eggshells around your partner. You stop sharing your critical thoughts and feelings about yourself, your partner, and your relationship.
• This keeps you small and reactive. You need to constantly fear being exposed so you minimize your presence and voice in the relationship.
• You doubt people’s love for you. Because you don’t show your shadow, others only love what you choose to show. This can lead to doubting that others actually know and love you (because if they really knew all your faults, they would run away).

What’s the solution? Full ownership of your shadow—first to yourself and then to your partner. It is certainly easier said than done. Let’s explore the risks and benefits of bringing our faults openly to our relationship.

Risks of owning your shadow

• More risk. You become more vulnerable and exposed, which could possibly lead to hurt or humiliation .
• More conflict. If you show your shadow, more ruptures and conflict may occur in your relationship.
• Loss of control. When you "broadcast live" and reveal what is really on your mind and in your heart (self-exposure), you lose your ability to control what your partner will think or feel. The conversation can lead to places you may not want to go.
• Potential loss. If you share your faults, certain people in your life (including your partner) might not actually like the fuller you. This might result in the end of these relationships (as you might’ve feared). That said, if you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be with you when you are exposed, then do you really want to be with such a person?

Benefits of owning your shadow

Owning and subsequently admitting your faults enables personal and relational gains.

Personal benefits

• You grow. Behavioral change necessitates awareness followed by ownership before you can choose to change that behavior and grow. Through verbalizing your defense mechanisms , you’re blocking your own exits, which aids your growth.
• You are free to express different parts of yourself. Love is the positive freedom to express all your different parts.
• You gain a deeper sense of being loved. If they love you despite seeing your shadow, then you’ll experience deeper trust, surrender, and intimacy.
• You may find new resources. Within the shadow lies hidden resources such as confidence , boundaries , assertiveness , and more.
• You will have more emotional range. Leaning into the shadow allows you to access more buried or suppressed parts of yourself. This leads to a wider emotional range, which is the essence of being human.

Benefits to your relationship

• Relational growth. When you share your shadow with your partner, you are raising the bar and encouraging them to own their own shortcomings. You create an environment of accountability, growth, and collaboration .
• Saving energy and deeper communication. Since your partner implicitly knows your faults, confessing them helps validate and deepen their understanding of you. This will allow you both to move beyond the usual misunderstandings and arguments, toward deeper intimacy and connection.
• Prevents the victim triangle dynamic in your relationship. If you are only good and never bad, then essentially you are casting your partner as the faulty one, therefore casting them as the persecutor and you as a victim.
• Increased agency. When you dare to own your faults instead of blaming others, you gain agency and confidence.
• Gain respect. When you wear your faults proudly, you are modeling confidence and people respect you as a mature adult.
• Minimizes gaslighting in the relationship. You help yourself and your partner see clearly what is happening.

How to own your shadow

Owning your shadow can be hard, especially after years of denying or hiding it. Yet it is possible to slowly look directly to your shadow and grow.

• Share this post with your partner so you have common language.
• Choose to believe that owning your shadow will improve your life and relationships.
• Shadow sparks. Make a list of five small traits/behaviors you usually deny. Share these with your partner. Ask your partner to stay grounded and not react to what you are sharing.
• Let your partner’s criticism "land." Next time your partner gives you constructive feedback, or even criticism, don’t react immediately; just let it land.
• Focus on the three fingers pointing at you. Instead of automatically blaming your partner, take a moment to see the ways you contributed to the situation.

If you dare to own your shadow, over time you will feel a sense of vitality and freedom in your life. You will begin to attract people who are authentic and honest. You will create relationships and environments where you can speak your mind honestly, openly, and comfortably (like wearing your "relational pajamas" all day). You may experience more conflicts, but they will be of deeper meaning. Full ownership of your faults is a key stage in changing your behavior, relationships, and life.

Earley, J., & Weiss, B. (2010). Self-therapy for your inner critic: Transforming self-criticism into self-confidence. Larkspur, CA: Pattern System Books.

Schnarsh, D. (1997). Passionate marriage: Keeping love and intimacy alive in committed relationship. New York, NY: Owl books.

Schwartz, R. C. (1995). Internal family systems. New York: Guilford.

Assael Romanelli, Ph.D., is a clinical social worker and a licensed couple and family therapist based in Israel. He offers online individual, couple, and family therapy. Assael trains and lectures internationally about therapy, relationships and improvisation.

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Meaning of be afraid of your own shadow in English

Be afraid of your own shadow.

• chicken out
• fainthearted
• lily-livered
• pusillanimity
• spinelessness

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Jumping over your own shadow

Conor McCarthy

It's Your Turn

“Sometimes you have to jump over your own shadow”. I heard this phrase said on a podcast recently, in reference to taking a risk. I love it. It stuck with me because a) it’s so visual, b) it’s so personal and c) it’s so true.

We all have different attitudes to risk. To some people, they avoid risk at all costs. It’s seen as being dangerous, as being a threat to the status quo, and ultimately might get us in trouble (and to our prehistoric Lizard Brain, that means killed). Risk, for them, triggers an immediate aversion also, because it seems so big . It looms and crowds out possibility.

Some people understand that not all risk is equal. Sure, jumping out of a plane is risky, but most of the time, it’s fine. We are all acquainted with the idea that driving to the airport is more dangerous than the plane flight itself. But that's harder to understand, especially if you fear flying.

Richard Branson is often seen as a risk-taker, when really, he is very good at understanding and managing risk. When he launched Virgin Airways, he did so under a leasing arrangement with Boeing. If the venture wasn’t a success, he could return the planes within a year. Downside capped.

The thought and the feeling that “this is too dangerous”, be it jumping out of a plane, or pitching that new idea to your boss, can be overwhelming. Our Imposter Syndrome kicks in, and keeps us tight with our shadow, the part of us that will never go away, but often needs to be put in the passenger seat to allow us to drive.

What does it take for you to not be afraid of your shadow, and to jump? After all, thats where possibility is ready to greet you.

I help founders, bootstrappers and freelancers find their First 10 Customers and grow their business. Check out more writing and my podcast at http://www.conormccarthy.me

Written by Conor McCarthy

Host of the First 10 Podcast, coach, entrepreneur, dad. Science guy living in arts world — conormccarthy.me

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Everything You Need To Know About Your Shadow Self

Our mental life contains more layers than meets the eye. Most of us believe that our conscious thoughts, feelings, and motivation are what guide our behaviour. And this is true! However, there is a caveat. We all possess a conscious AND unconscious mind.

Our conscious mind is made up of thoughts, feelings, and memories that we are aware of. This includes the things that lie just below our moment-to-moment awareness, but can easily be retrieved and drawn into conscious awareness

Our unconscious (or subconscious) mind is where feelings, thoughts, urges, and fantasies that are OUTSIDE of our conscious awareness reside

What is happening outside our awareness can influence our thoughts, feelings, motivations, and how we feel about and behave towards other people.

Psychologists have been interested in the subconscious mind for centuries. If you are familiar with Sigmund Freud, you may know that he viewed the unconscious as the primary guiding influence in our lives. While modern research has not supported all of Freud’s claims, we know from cognitive science and social psychology that the parts of ourselves that exist outside of our direct awareness exert their influence on us every day.

Think about this: Can you account for all the influences behind your judgements, decisions, feelings, and thoughts about yourself and others?

None of us can.

This brings us to a very interesting concept: What we cannot CONSCIOUSLY account for, we may find in our shadow self.

Let’s dive right into what I believe is one of the most interesting self-awareness concepts in therapy!

Living In Your Own Shadow

The concept of a shadow self emerged from a psychologist named Carl Jung.

Shadow Self: The desires, impulses, instincts, emotions, weaknesses, and perversions we have pushes down, or repressed. These are hidden from our conscious awareness . The elements of our shadow self often represent the parts of ourselves are we denying, rejecting, or that society will not approve of

All those aspects of our repressed selves form our shadow self.

Some like to refer to this as our ‘dark side’. However, the shadow self is not morally good or evil. It is simply what we do not allow to surface. A shadow self is also NOT an alternate personality. It is not tangible and exists as an archetype.

The Shadow Self In Action

Most of us distance ourselves from thoughts, behaviours, and urges we consider dangerous or incompatible with our values. It is easier to deny something we don’t like than confront it. What we reject, or deny (knowingly or unknowingly) form the aspects of our shadow selves.

Here are a few examples of what our shadow selves might be holding:

Sexual desires or attraction that is unacceptable (or unrealistic)

Experiences and desires that make us feel shame

Experiences and desires that make us feel guilty

Aggressive impulses

Irrational wishes

Strong emotions such as shame, guilt, disgust, and jealously often fuel our shadow selves.

Recognizing Our Shadow Selves

While we may find it uncomfortable to acknowledge our shadow self (or deny it entirely), it is influencing our behaviour in ways that are not obvious.

For example, have you ever found yourself judging someone harshly? Or being overly critical of your friend’s lifestyle choices?

In these situations, most likely the hidden desires, feelings, and urges of your shadow self are making themselves known.

Here are some examples of our shadow self fuelling thoughts and behaviours.

1. Judging/Criticizing Harshly

Often, we are judgemental and critical towards others because we secretly either want those things for ourselves or wish we had the courage or resources to go after them. These are relatable examples:

Your friend quit her job and is planning a 6-month long solo travel trip. You know she has a lot of debt and you completely disapprove of her choice. The reasons you cite are 1) this is the real world, we can’t just do whatever we want to do whenever we want to do it and 2) leaving your responsibilities to others is selfish

You have always subscribed to a modest way of dressing. This is a choice that you find fulfilling and you have no plans of changing it. However, you find it difficult not to judge people who dress in more revealing clothing, or wear whatever they want. You notice the way the world treats them and can’t help but compare this to the way you are treated for dressing modestly .

In both these scenarios, the shadow self is making itself known. In the first scenario, it’s possible this person wishes they had the courage and ability to drop everything and travel the world. Or perhaps to do something without worrying so much about what others think.

In the second scenario, the person may have a fantasy that lives within their shadow self where they do not dress as modestly and do not have to constantly explain their lifestyle choice. However, in reality, this does not align with their values and conscious desires. It is easier to judge others who are openly living this fantasy.

2. Biases and Prejudices

Our shadow selves often contain biases and prejudices we don’t want to acknowledge and deal with because they go against our notion of a good person.

Instead of dealing with the deep discomfort of knowing we carry biases, it feels easier to pretend we are innocent of them entirely.

This partially explains why some people react so strongly and defensively when they are called out or asked to explain themselves- it’s easier (yet more destructive) to push the prejudice down into the shadow self than bring it into the light where it can change.

3. Playing The Victim

Taking accountability for our actions means acknowledging the painful and imperfect parts of ourselves. People who have a tendency to avoid taking responsibility for their actions may end up playing victim in every situation.

In this case, the guilt and shame living in their shadow self may my preventing them from accepting their wrongdoing.

Wrapping Up

The concept of shadow selves is an extremely interesting and liberating one. When we acknowledge our shadows and lovingly bring them out into the light, they have less power and influence over us.

Having said that, unpacking your shadow self can also be a triggering experience. If we are denying or suppressing parts of our existence, more often than not, there is trauma involved. Trauma responses can be confusing and overwhelming when we don’t have the tools and support to manage them.

So go gently, and with a therapist if you can.

I want to hear from you: Do you want to know more about shadow work? Leave me a comment below and it just might inspire a future blog post!

Until next time!

Mental Health Content Specialist

WellNest Psychotherapy Services

Hala Shamsi is a Social Worker and Mental Health Content Specialist at WellNest Psychotherapy Services. She is always deep in the middle of an internet spiral to bring you fresh insights into the world of mental wellness.

Is there a topic you want to see covered in this blog? Feel free to reach out at the email above to let her know!

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Amazing article. Will definitely look more into this

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